They say life begins at the end of your comfort zone. Or something.

They also say that it’s good to do something that scares you every day. I, who am startled by someone (my boyfriend) simply taping me on the shoulder (in my own house), have trouble with that. And I’m a person who’s very married to the idea of making a tactical blueprint before making any huge decision in my life. In other words, I have really bad generalized anxiety that stunts me on a daily basis. So with that, comes my need to adapt to things and be gentle with myself. If I’m not, I won’t be productive at all, and will never get to the big end-goal in my head. That’s just the kind of person I am. I’m also a bit of a creature of comfort and habit; I usually know what I want and am used to keeping things consistent for the most part. It’s my safe place knowing that I can have the same hairstylist to go to, the same coffee order depending on the shop I’m at, and the way I like to organize my desk, bedroom, etc.

Screen Shot 2019-05-07 at 6.11.56 PM.png — “Some days, when I’m feeling particularly dull or feel like I’m not taking enough chances in life, I dress up.”

However, I’ve always questioned if I’m adventurous enough. This is a descriptive that is romanticized in movies where girls hop on planes and find true love on an island somewhere, but in reality, we shouldn’t be holding ourselves to those kinds of standards because being adventurous can come in a lot of forms. But the last thing anyone wants to be called is boring, dull or bland. And I think we all have these challenges with staying interesting, being full of spunk, full of ideas, constantly brimming with a new perspective or a fresh project to take on. Which is, to be frank, exhausting. And not to be “that person” but social media absolutely is part of that. It creates this pressure to not only post but to have a vibrant enough every-day life to post about.

This teddy coat was the perfect purchase for this winter. Cozy but a little bold. A philosophy I’ve been carrying throughout my life lately.

I will start off by saying that I have become more adventurous in some parts of my life - my wardrobe being one, which is actually a good reflection of how I relate to risk-taking in general. Clothes play a big part in how I view myself. Some days, when I’m feeling particularly dull or feel like I’m not taking enough chances in life, I dress up. One of my biggest inspirations for quite literally playing dress-up with everyday life is Beth Jones, of the B.JONES style channel. Her Instagram posts, videos, and YouTube videos are a constant source of inspiration because she just absolutely brings it. Her outfits look like they’re straight from the runway, but better because she uses vintage and thrift pieces that are incredibly unique and loud.

This why I’ve been forcing myself to sometimes just dress up for the heck of it. Just to feel good, feel inspired and stretch my creative muscles a little bit. And it helps. Sometimes I’ll snap a photo to document the outfit, but that lately has been adding more pressure: Is the photo good quality? Why is the lighting so bad? When should I post it? Bleh! So sometimes, it feels better to just enjoy the outfit and the process of putting it together. And at the same time lately, I’ve been finding myself still enjoying a casual pair of sweatpants, my worn but very comfortable sneakers, or a cozy hat (sometimes, beret) to cover up a bad hair day.

The key to this is balance of course: because what’s equally exciting as trying out new styles is starting to really learn what I like and feel comfortable in. A black turtleneck, a fuzzy teddy coat that feels like a perpetual hug, or a perfect pair of block heel boots — my comfort zone pieces are just important as my statement ones.

Lately, I’ve been going back into my comfort zone a bit. Which is I guess, not the ideal thing to brag about. Usually people expect other who have been graduated for a year or more to be making new strides and taking risks. Not staying in your comfort zone. But I guess I’m tired of that phrase, constantly hanging over my head and forcing me to have a specific blue print of how far out of my comfort zone is enough and how much of a risk is a big enough risk to take in life.

So let’s use another word — a word that has been lost in the sea of the stick-to-it-ivnes philosophy that we’ve had forced down our throats. The word is rest. Seems like a weirder word the more I look at it and say it in my head. Rest is not something my generation or even anyone is that good at these days. The hustle is constant. the hustle is always. And just like the internet, there’s no end to it.

LIFE BEGINS, WHEN YOU PURCHASE A TEDDY COAT

Teddy Coat: *Uniqlo*
Leopord purse: *Thrifted*
Wide leg cords: *Uniqlo*
Shoes: *Nordstrom*

And I’m not saying I want to stop hustling, stop shooting my shot or not take risks. I just feel like for the last year, I’ve been rushing without really a plan in place or without really checking in with myself with what I can handle or what I even want. Being comfortable doesn’t necessarily mean you’re not being adventurous enough — staying in a place where you feel stable allows you to set goals, start organizing and make plans for the future without worrying that it’s slipping through your fingers.

I just think part of the problem is that we’ve stopped allowing ourselves to step away from things. To settle into things. I made a note about a year ago and I used a term called “settling in,” which I believe, is not the same as “settling.” I wrote that settling in is about becoming more honest about what your needs are, what boundaries you want and what you are comfortable with. Ultimately, to get to know yourself. How can you leave your comfort zone if you don’t even know what it is? How can I know what risks to take until I fully dig in and become familiar to the life I’m living right now?

I just feel like for the last year I’ve been just constantly wishing. Wishing for a magical opportunity. Wishing for a role model to tell me what to do, what direction to take. All the while sitting on the edge and not being able to decide which way to go and trying to leap out of my comfort zone. And in the meantime, my anxiety spiked, health went down and I stopped doing things I enjoy. Making a decision within your comfort zone is not a bad thing. There are so many factors to consider; your well-being, family, relationships, etc. And what I’m learning is that you can stay in your comfort zone in some ways and take leaps of faith in other parts of your life simultaneously.

During the last couple months of 2019, a surge of energy has hit me and I started going for some goals that I’ve been jotting down all year. Did I wish I do them earlier? Yep. But better late than never. And what I’ve learned is that my mind still freaks out, even if I’m working on something exciting and risky that everyone claims will make you feel better and more accomplished in the end. But what it taught me was that my current state isn’t as great as I thought, and that I’m down a bad road if I keep this up and continue to push myself for the wrong reasons; i.e., because I’m comparing myself to others and feel like I’m not on the right timeline when life doesn’t follow any timeline perfectly.

Of course, I’ve also been reminding myself that life isn’t linear and doesn’t have to follow a certain blueprint. Your life can be in blocks, some years can be committed to a certain job, project, career move, school cycle, etc, and another part of it can be something completely different. And like I said, you can do multiple things simultaneously and do the side hustle thing, but it is totally okay to pause for a month or more and focus on just one thing.

BELT MAGIC

This thrifted belt is my new favorite easy-statement-maker. I found it at my favorite thrift store and the stretchy feel of it is perfect for any type of bottoms and the buckle makes me feel like a glamorous female wrestler.

All in all, I’m going to stop rushing and instead, start being smart about what my goals are. And I’m going to build off of what I’ve accomplished in the last year because no matter what my anxiety tells me, it’s been a lot. At this time last year, I was convinced that my life hasn’t started yet and that I was just waiting for something to change and sweep me off my feet. But that was an unfair way to think about things.

Because there’s so muchI’m proud of from the last year. For as much as I’ve beaten myself up about not taking enough risks or not going after things as aggressively, all in all, I’m doing fine, and I’m still even celebrating even getting through college even though it’s been more than a year since I finished my last exam.

I’m still proud of that person who made it past the finish line. I’m proud of the person who joined my college magazine in my sophomore year in college which changed my life completely. I’m proud of the friends who have helped me along the way and who have helped me as well. I’m proud that I’m writing again. I’m proud of the new hobbies like photography and styling that I’ve brought into my life as well. I’m proud for the shots I have taken, but I’m also proud of the times I took a step back and said “no” because of my mental health. I’m proud that I’ve learned how to unapologetically enjoy my own company and be alone sometimes. I’m proud of the fact that all in all, I haven’t been bored in the last three years. At times depressed? Sure. Riddled with anxiety attacks? Definitely. Stressed and full of dread? Of course. But never bored. I’m proud of myself for making the most of where I’m at in this point in my life. I’m proud of the fact that I keep getting new ideas and goals, even if I can’t put them all into motion just yet.

I’m proud of myself for prioritizing boundaries but still allowing myself to dream big.

All of this reminds me that there is abundance all around us — there are things to pull from if we just look a little closer and take note of what is possible and what is within our power. And you can go for things and keep “hustling” at the same item when you’re taking time for yourself. It reminds me that life is a process, things change in an instant, the fact that the person at the beginning of 2019 or 2010 would be sure as hell proud of me right now. And that even though I’m still in my comfort zone in some ways, my life has absolutely begun.

Life Begins When You Purchase a Teddy Coat: An Essay About Comfort Zones

“Some days, when I’m feeling particularly dull or feel like I’m not taking enough chances in life, I dress up.”

“…settling in is about becoming more honest about what your needs are, what boundaries you want and what you are comfortable with.”